NOTE: This isn't real. There is no Jewbuntu yet, and this site is a great
'what if'. Tell us if you want to add your own suggestions or give us
feedback - info is the name, jewubuntu dot org is the domain.
What is Jewbuntu?
Jewbuntu is a variant of a variant of the Ubuntu Operating system designed
specifically for Jews. Like the editions put out by the goyish communities,
such as Ubuntu CE and ME, Jewbuntu takes the best that Ubuntu has to offer, and
adds special open-source software and packages that appeal to a Jewish
Features and Benefits
Jewbuntu is Free!
Jewbuntu contains the Torah in its original Hebrew form, as well as the entire
liturgy for the entire year!
All religious text are denominationally aware - for example, if you are
Conservative or Reform it will remove the portions of the Torah not
acknowledged by your denomination, and utilize the proper liturgy.
In addition to the Security tools in standard versions of Linux, Jewbuntu comes
tools that were specially designed to encourage users to keep their system up
to date. Instead of displaying a simple 'New Updates are Available message', it
prompts you with - ' Go ahead, don't patch me, it's not as if I'm important
enough to be hacked, and even if I am, what's the worse that can happen - so
you lose a few pictures of the Grandchildren that you haven't sent you Mom yet,
Did we mention, it's F-R-E-E!
Jewbuntu can also be configured to automatically update your computer, and then
notify you that it updated itself - because G-d only knows that if it had to
wait for you, it would never get done.
Jewbuntu also comes with the Mamaloshen Open Mailer program (MOM)
for short. This program not only manages your e-mail and calendar, but also
analyzes the events on your calendar and provides you with custom, helpful, and
timely reminders (Heaven forbid you should listen). At random intervals during
the day MOM will review your e-mails and calendar and offer advice tidbits.
Here are some samples: "You have a date with Allison this evening - where is
this going? Hey, why is it marked as an overnight event?"; "Funny, I browsed
your whole schedule and noticed you didn't have a single entry for 'Call Mom'
so I took the liberty of adding it as a recurring event - hourly."
The system comes complete with RSS feeds of Classic Yiddish Insults, MP3 Hebrew
Word Pronunciation Guides, and excuses for not calling your Mother.
Once, again, there is no cost for Jewbuntu!
Jewbuntu also has the Instant Advocacy script - this script searches the net
for public opinon polls about Israel, and automatically votes once every five
minutes based on your political preferences.
It's FREE so what are you waiting for? Download it already!
Jewbuntu has several variants including:
JAP Edition - has a special payment service that automatically charges Daddy's
Mixed-Marriage Edition - Combines the best of Ubuntu CE and Jewbuntu. Also
includes 'Jewish tips for Goyim' MOTD; The only caveat is that you can't
install the Orthodox Denomination
Goojubuntu - Are you a Googler? Want the best of Jewbuntu, but also the
best of the Goobuntu distro? Goojubuntu combines both in one easy to download
package. BONUS - includes a special translating tool - GooGooGaJew - which
changes all long U sounds into the Google-Kitschy oo - i.e. Kugel and Bubbaleh
become Koogle and Boobaleh respectively.